Healing…

There have been several things in my life that I have not always been so pleased about or proud of.  There have been many people that I have hurt, though unintentionally, as I strove to find my way in life.  A place where I felt that I belonged and could freely be the man that I am.  I have moved too many times to count and met endless numbers of people.  I have seen and climbed high mountain peaks, paddled dangerous rivers, backpacked for weeks at a time, and even saved a few lives along the way.  However, I never really found that special place that gave me the sense that I was where I was supposed to be.  Maybe my heart was torn between wounds of the past and dreams of the future.  Unknowingly to me, I would have to heal old wounds in order to move towards my dreams with the kind of success that includes the ones that I really want to be there with me.

As time passes and I continue to push myself forward in a world that moves extremely fast, I have, thankfully, matured.  Old attitudes and beliefs have been replaced with new outlooks and hopes.  Once ancient ideas and understandings have been dusted off and brought back to life.  With so many things that I wish I would have done better yet having no regrets of trying to comprehend me and my heart’s desires.  For years I have wept because I felt alone and afraid, not knowing who I was.  For even more years, I have longed to be close with those that I cherish, my family of origin.  Now, I have taken a giant step towards healing all because others took a giant step too.  Tears flowed down my winter cold cheeks but my heart raced with gladness, feeling that maybe I have belonged the entire time.  I just didn’t know it because I couldn’t accept who I was and help others understand me at the same time.  Though I am starting to embrace me, I know I have a long way to go but it sure feels less lonesome to travel with the support of my family.  This is healing and I will one day write about it!

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